Gibraltar

I Was Mugged by a Monkey

OK, so it was a small ape, actually the Barbary apes of Gibraltar. Monkey sounds better.

Back from my time in Marrakesh, I headed to Gibraltar for a daytrip before going to Granada. I took the bus from Algeciras to just before the Gibraltar border.


The Rock	You have to walk or drive across this active runway (yes, planes do land on this from time to time) to get to the town of Gibraltar.

I decided to walk up to the top instead of taking the cable car, just because I could. On the way up, I was swinging the plastic bag that contained my lunch admiring the scenery, when all of a sudden, something made a violent grab for my bag (the plastic one, thank God!). I swore louder than I've ever sworn and spun around to look at the biggest ape I've ever seen. The savage beast advanced towards me, while three more similarly sized apes suddenly appeared from the bushes. I did what any red-blooded man would do in the same situation - I screamed like a schoolgirl and ran away, throwing pretzels at the advancing hordes. The largest of the gang (most likely the alpha male) jumped on my back to take me down but fell off, ripping my shirt off in the process. I threw them my lunch, my wallet and most of my clothes before I was able to get away. A passing security guard found me whimpering by the side of the road, wearing nothing but a tattered pair of not-very-clean underwear.

OK, so it didn't really happen that way. I did get the crap scared out of me by one ape grabbing my lunch. Three more did come out, but they lost interest once I threw them some food. I found out later that they associate plastic bags with food and will try to take them from the tourists. If I hid the bag, the apes ignored me.


The ape that mugged me. Isn't he huge???	This ape let loose a scream that I would not want to hear twice in my life before he lunged for my face. OK, so he was yawning.	The view from the top.


The alpha male decides whether the human interloper should live or die.	A band of angry apes prepare to attack.

I see you baby, spanking that ass...	Yep, it's long, hard...and black.

		There were a number of attractions at the top of Gibraltar - siege tunnels, caves and such - but you have to buy tickets from the only ticket office...at the bottom of the Rock. So, I spent the morning wandering around the top, enjoying the view and playing with the apes (who weren't very interested, unless they saw my lunch bag).
This gun was once used to defend the Strait of Gibraltar. It could shoot clear across the strait. Here, I am re-enacting a scene from a famous WWII battle. Hollywood agents, take note of the range of emotions I exhibit here - first calm professionalism then adrenaline-filled action as I prepare to deliver a deadly salvo to a German destroyer.

After hiking back down Gibraltar, I jumped on the next train to Granada, Spain.